even positivity has its day off

Last friday, in the middle of being yelled  at for work, i did the most unexpected thing: i walked out.

Its not those situation where the boss is yelling his lungs out, and about to slap you with a file or anything. in fact i have gone thru worst situation where a file was actually thrown at me, i was yelled "farah you have failed me" in a room full of people. nope nothing like that at all.

the q that got me leaving the room was "kareena, what is your excuse?".

after all my hard work this past few months, not forgetting health being at stake, my boss pose me a question that to me means i have disappointed him.

back to the walking out bit. I ran out and went to the most safe place i could think off :toilet cubicle.

I cried and cried and cried andReally cried till it got me going "nw wht the hell is wrong here?"
or rather i should be asking "nw wht the hell is wrong with me?"

i wanted to think of bad things, of hoping he would die, he would eat his words back, he would beg for forgiveness. typical imagination gone wild when ure angry at your boss.
but nothing.

i thought of ashraff, of rafek, of my my parents, my siblings. everything else out from office. then i thought of how long can i take this.

funny how i use to tell myself, to sabar.
this situation will pass.
my positiveness will outdo this. im sure, insyallah....
but last friday. it was as if my positivity fell silent..
like it has closed its door for this situation.


even today, after a good weekend and even some texts from officemate to take it easy. i still feel defeated.

being a disappointment   to boss is normal. but when i feel defeated as well , something needs to be done.
oh well, hello monday!